Why Even Bother?

After a couple of recent health scares, I have had cause to consider the things in my life that cause anxiety. As part of that, I have tried to make sure that I am diligent in avoiding those things. Honestly, this is often a gigantic waste of time: so many anxieties (or causes therefore) are the things (and people) that are right there in your face on a daily basis.

First amongst my realisations was just how extensively I medicated myself against these anxieties. I realised that I had been drinking a lot. This was a lot less than many of my nearest and dearest but the pattern and volume was enough to give me pause for thought. Moreover, in the interim, I was tanking myself up with caffeine (mostly in the form of sugary soft-drinks that are borderline evil). The damage this was doing to my body was horrendous and would lend itself to kicking lumps out of my usually unassailable psyche.

I've never wanted to shy away from the big questions in life and I've always been aware of the fact that there should often be more than there is (my article "Being Mzebonga" should, hopefully attest to that - which is why I brought it back out of mothballs). I remember vividly the feeling that I got in an English Literature class when I was 16 and, for the first time ever, a teacher asked me for an opinion. Not an interpretation or an implied answer. An opinion. In 16 years of life, I had never really been asked to venture my own opinion and, after that point, it struck me that we spend so much time doing as we're told without question. If you have pause to question whether that is a bad thing, you need only look at Nazi Germany. One can only hide behind "following orders" so much and, at some point, one has to question the morality of ones actions.

So, like the Germans under Hitler, just how often do people do things because it's what they expect to happen rather than what they should be doing? Most people (particularly, so I'm told, North Americans) find their 9 to 5 jobs excrutiatingly. Most employers, no matter how consciencious they claim to be, will kick you to the curb rather than take the time work through any issues with you. If the money gets short, you're going out the door no matter how long you've been with the company. So why would we ever kowtow to these forces? Why are we such prisoners to the Machine; this bizarre construct of people and the items we contrive?

Think about it. There is nothing in society that is not made by man. We invented currency. We invented anything that you'd care to purchase with said currency. If these things don't serve to make us happy, why aren't we inventing something else? If so few of us find contentment in the Machine, why do we compromise ourselves for its benefit?

If the Machine is solely comprised of human beings, surely the collective will of those human beings can influence what the Machine produces. What would happen if you didn't go to work tomorrow? What would happen if 100 people didn't go to work tomorrow? How many does it take before the system buckles? The point is, that the Machine, as we have unwittingly contrived it, takes the influence of millions at a time before it changes and, while its at it, it encourages apathy instead of discontent.

You see, we're trapped by our belief that we can never influence the Machine: it requires just too many of us to care about how awful it is before it will change. How do you organise (let alone find) 100,000,000 people to boycott their jobs for a week in the pursuit of a more equitable global distribution of wealth and welfare? In many societies, welfare has become a dirty word "used by communists" *cough*USA*cough* (little secret: welfare is not exclusively communist - much of the western world has a welfare system in place). But wouldn't most people concede that it'd be nicer if the gulf between the richest and the poorest was getting just a little bit smaller every day? Who wouldn't want that - I don't see how poor people help rich people... If poor people have more money, it's more people for the rich to sell to. Surely this is just common-sense economics... Are we really controlled by the richest (and apparently greediest) margins of our society? If we are, then it's only through overwhelming numbers that we change that order.

I'm trying to personally face this problem head on right now and try some things that don't strictly conform to the world order and, let me tell you, while it's not impossible, it is difficult and the number of people who will play to your own internal anxieties ("I don't know how you could do that", "are you sure?","how do you afford it") is overwhelming. But, if you hold your course, you can get the briefest of glimpses how life can be when you're not being controlled by overbearing, automated processes.

Start small. Work the word "no" into your vocabulary. Have the courage to walk away from things that make you miserable and hold out for the things that make you happy. It takes patience and courage - change always does - but, if you're lucky, when you come out the other side you'll be stronger, happier and ready for the next big challenge. As you go, you, like me, may find parts of yourself that were cast aside - why else would Mzebonga.com and BogGoblin.co.uk be slowly dragging themselves out of their respective mires? It may turn out to be a fool's errand but, in the words of someone a lot wiser than I: "when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love, even if it's not a good idea!"